Misunderstanding in relationship will certainly come, however there are different factors that cause misunderstanding if these factors are properly handled then it will be easy to manage misunderstanding and effectuate forgiveness.
When offences occur, most times spouses argue and bring in the past pointing out a list of offences reminding and rehashing past and old grievances. It then seems almost impossible to forgive. Either one or both of you lack forgiveness whenever this is the case.
Many people find it difficult to forgive; sometimes even husbands and wives don’t settle their differences
amicably instead they find a way to sweep the issue under the carpet and use it against themselves when there are other arguments. People need to know how to forgive and why forgiveness is important.
amicably instead they find a way to sweep the issue under the carpet and use it against themselves when there are other arguments. People need to know how to forgive and why forgiveness is important.
Why spouses withhold forgiveness
Revenge: some spouses would want to get even and so even when they say “I forgive you” they don’t mean it, and so they use it against themselves in future time.
Bitterness: the scares of past offences can take time to heal so they easily recall what happened to them in the past whereby harboring resentment for their spouses.
Advantageous right: some spouses don’t forgive because they use it as advantage over their partner and gain upper hand and some sort of power over their partner when trouble, misunderstanding or conflict arises.
Unrealized expectations: some people enter into marriage with unrealistic expectations and when these expectations are not met they find it difficult to forgive because they easily find faults.
Wrong interpretation of forgiveness: some people think forgiveness minimizes the offence and so they try to intensify it by holding back forgiveness. Some also don’t want to be further mistreated and so they hold unto the wrongs just to make a point. Some too want to create some sort of respect and value thus forgiving will not bring what they want rather it will diminish them before their offender. Others view forgiveness as a way of forgetting what happened. With all these wrong conceptions about forgiveness it will be very difficult to forgive.
Repetition of the same mistake: when you repeat the same mistake it create a view that you don’t take correction and that will give room for your spouse to think you are incorrigible which will in turn make forgive difficult.
Handling forgiveness
Always express yourself and discuss the matter: let you spouse know if you are offended and try to discuss the issue if it has always repeated itself. Just let them know how you were hurt and not trying to make them feel bad.
Be aware of the importance of forgiveness: forgiveness among many benefits will knit you and your spouse together and bring unity to your relationship. Forgiveness will allow love to grow and guide against hatred or bitterness.
Understand what it takes to forgive: if you find it difficult to forgive it is an indication of emotional immaturity so you have to work on your emotion, always tell yourself the truth and not the way you feel. Always remember that you have to forgive. Forgiveness means to let go, it doesn’t necessary mean forgetting what happened however trying to always cast it off your mind will help.
Settle for what you have and accept your spouse: marriage is a union of two different people from different backgrounds and orientations so your expectations may not be met, all you need do is to accept your spouse for who they are. Just be realistic, don’t focus on what you didn’t get rather focus on how to move your relationship forward.
Learn to overlook: don’t always wait to get apology from your spouse, you can overlook the situation and just live as if it didn’t hppen
Learn to say “I am sorry”: even if you didn’t agree with your spouse over certain issues you can apologize for hurting them. If they feel offended learn to know what puts them off and avoid hurting them. Those who say “I am sorry” don’t mean that they were wrong it is just that they have the right attitude towards marriage.
towards marriage.
towards marriage.
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